i've always liked pain. not pain itself, not getting hurt or injured or anything dark like that,
just the feeling of remembering that i am this piece of human being and things may be overwhelming sometimes. and it's ok. 

i don't know, it makes me feel humble and think about life how it really is.

today i drove by the old city's graveyard to talk to my father. how we never really spoke to each other and how we never shared anything other than a few cromossomes. i always visit him and wonder about life out loud. sometimes i think he is much more talkative now than he were alive. 

daddy, remember our random butterfly kisses? 

i hated it. 

once i told you i didn't want to do that anymore. you laughed at it first then made spooky faces to make me regret what i said and kiss you back. i didn't. i think from this moment on we grew farther and farther away from each other. i never came over anymore to watch movies at your place while you were at work and never ever stopped by to have lunch together.

now take a look at your house. it's exactly what i would build if i had the money. you made a big swimming pool to practice on, a room full of music records and another one just to play instruments as loud as you'd want to. i'd take a third one to build an art studio and shut down the barbecue-bar thing, but that's already a great start. 

you know i still have that folder full of poetry you used to write i found one day snooping in on the basement, right? last year i bought a typewriter and when i compare both words we tend to type, it looks like we're co-writing, side by side. except i would never write about woman or beer, but yeah, we write quite alike.

whenever i stop by to whisper my thoughts to you and reminisce about our life that never got to intersect, i realize more and more that we never ever splitted up. you were always growing inside me, and somehow i know this makes you feel something as well, wherever you are. i know these cold breezes that pass me by when i'm around you have been here way too long to understand how this really works. how life works. these things cromossomes do that bind stuff together... that's how life works.